It’s currently Bisexual Awareness Week (16-23 September), so it seemed like a good time to share our guide to what to do if you’re currently questioning whether you’re bisexual.
First off, what is bisexuality?, Well in the LGBTQ+ acronym, the B after L and G stands for bisexual.
LGBTQ+ charity Stonewall defines bisexuality as an “umbrella term” which describes a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards more than one gender.
Bisexual people people may also describe themselves using one or more of a wide variety of terms, including, but not limited to, bisexual, pan, queer, and some other non-monosexual and non-monoromantic identities.
As per the 2021 Census, which included questions about sexuality and gender for the first time, there are estimated to be 624,000 bisexual people in England and Wales.
The research showed there are as there are as many bisexual and pansexual people as there are gay and lesbian people, highlighting how bi experiences are often erased within the LGBTQ+ community.
How do you know if you’re bisexual?
There is a lot of negativity about bisexuality out there – which can subconsciously affect how you think about bisexuality in general, and how it relates to you specifically.
You might have heard people say things like: “oh, bisexual people are just straight people who want to be seen as ‘interesting'” or co-opt the LGBTQ+ experience in some way. This is simply not true.
This biphobia has, in the past, led to people who experience attraction to more than one gender to simply “choose a side” and label themselves as “gay” or “lesbian”, or “straight, when in fact they’re bi. You may have done this without even realising. But labels aren’t set in stone – you don’t have to keep labels that no longer correctly fit how you’re currently feeling. It’s important to also remember that sexuality can be fluid.
It’s worth questioning these prejudices and looking inwardly, reflecting on times you’ve experienced attraction to a different gender than usual, even if it’s just a crush on a TV character that you dismissed at the time.
If you feel comfortable, you can also speak to bi people; discuss how they came to the realisation that they were bisexual, as this might help you in your own sexuality journey.
“Being unsure about whether or not you’re bi is actually Bi Culture,” Jen Winston, author of GREEDY: Notes From a Bisexual Who Wants Too Much, told Cosmopolitan. “You may think that uncertainty makes you more straight but it actually makes you more bisexual.” Cosmopolitan have also rounded up several stories from bi women explaining how they came to the conclusion that they’re bi.
Other bisexual myths
There are a lot of myths and misinformation about what it means to be bisexual, with bi folks facing stigma from both outside – and within – the LGBTQ+ community.
One of those is the idea that being bi is “just a phrase”, bisexuals are confused and will eventually decide they are either straight or gay. This is absolutely not the case and bi identities are as valid as any others across the LGBTQ+ spectrum.
Secondly, bisexuality is not a performance. Bigots out there will push the idea that bi people, in particular women, are bisexual to impress prospective partners and get attention – this is false. No identity is made up for performance, people’s identities are real and completely valid.
Thirdly, being bi is not just for women. There has long been the notion that men cannot be bisexual and if they say they are, then they are just secretly gay – this is absolutely wrong and very harmful. Men can be bisexual, just as women can be, non-binary people can be and anyone else of any other gender identity.
Finally, your bi identity does not have to be a ’50/50 split’. Some people certainly experience even attraction but others might lean more towards one gender than another.
Further reading: The Trevor Project in the US have a really helpful guide to understanding bisexuality here.
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